Revivalist is a reader-supported endeavor and our posts may contain affiliate links. When you buy through links on our site, we may earn an affiliate commission.

Long-distance relationships can be a challenge even for the strongest couples. While distance may make the heart grow fonder, it can sometimes be too much to handle. Explore what kills long-distance relationships and ways to make it work.

What are the Red Flags in a Long-Distance Relationship?

Every relationship is unique, but there are some common red flags that drive a wedge between many couples. Here are the top factors that can cause a long-distance relationship to fall apart.

1. Lack of Proper Communication

Communication is vital in any relationship. However, it becomes more crucial if you’re in a long-distance relationship.

Missed calls and busy schedules can make it harder to feel connected. It’s normal to go through phases where you don’t have as much time for long video calls or daily updates.

The big red flag here is when one or both of you are avoiding communication. Constantly declining phone calls or ignoring texts could be a sign that your partner is keeping secrets or pulling away from the relationship. If that sounds familiar, you should directly address the problem with your partner.

Clear communication allows you to stay connected, even if your partner is on the other side of the world. It helps address issues and avoid conflicts, allowing you to express yourself fully. Without it, emotional distance can widen and make you feel distant from your lover.

2. Trust Issues

Trust is the foundation of a romantic relationship. No matter how secure you are in your partnership, lack of proximity can magnify your doubts and insecurities. When left unaddressed, trust issues can creep up.

Lack of trust can lead to misconstrued assumptions, mental exhaustion and overthinking. In your mind, there’s always a feeling that your partner will betray you. Overthinking can sometimes result in jealous outbursts, clinginess and excessive phone calls.

While there may be reasons for concern, like dodging texts and calls, this red flag is an issue when the signs aren’t there. If your partner is accusing you of something without evidence, that can be the beginning of the end.

3. Unresolved Disagreements

While conflicts in a relationship are considered normal, constant arguments that become personal attacks can harm your bond. Conflict resolution is more challenging in long-distance relationships, especially if you’re fighting over text.

Disagreements may stem from different factors, such as:

• Intimacy issues
• Finances
• Trust issues
• Jealousy
• Communication problems
• Problematic behaviors
• Different values

It’s much easier to leave a conflict unresolved when all you have to do is hang up or stop responding. Then, it can become a competition to see who caves first.

4. Insecurity

Insecurity is a common reason for separation, even for couples living together. Everyone has insecurities. While there’s no way to eliminate them overnight, transparency with your partner is key to a harmonious bond.

If you refrain from sharing your bothersome feelings, the relationship might bring more harm than good in the long run. Unlike trust issues — where you start accusing without evidence — insecurities become a problem when you don’t share them.

These are the types of insecurities you should be open and honest about:

• When is the next time we will see each other?
• Are we communicating enough?
• How much longer will we be long-distance?
• Has our relationship dynamic changed significantly?

5. Growing Apart

Everyone grows and evolves in their own ways. Sometimes, you may notice you’re going in different directions.

Growing apart is usually no one’s fault. If you started dating as teenagers, for example, you are naturally going to grow into a different version of yourself in adulthood. In some cases, you may develop conflicting values, life goals and priorities.

Signs that you’re veering away from one another include a lack of connection, empathy or intimacy. You may start to feel like you have nothing in common anymore. It feels like you don’t know your lover anymore or vice versa.

This can happen to anyone, but distance may make these changes more obvious.

6. Boredom

Lack of excitement is another factor that kills long-distance relationships. Remember the first months you and your partner started talking to each other — the butterflies in your stomach and the thrill of getting to know someone new. You spend hours on the phone, discussing anything under the sun.

Soon enough, these exciting moments became the norm. This is when boredom creeps in and makes you feel dissatisfaction in the relationship.

If you find yourselves on the phone with nothing to say, that can be the first sign. Even when you’re together in person, the lack of excitement can lead to you scroll on your phone or think about what else you could be doing with your time.

7. Unmet Needs

It’s normal to enter a relationship with expectations. In long-distance relationships, it could mean frequency of communication or commitment levels. If these are not shared with the other person or are not met, it can lead to dissatisfaction.

Everyone has emotional and physical needs that they hope to have in a relationship, long-distance or not. When these needs aren’t met, you start to feel lonely and neglected.

How to meet these needs looks different in long-distance relationship. However, when one or both parties aren’t making an effort, that can lead to disappointment.

8. Cheating

Cheating is an unfortunate reality for many couples. In a long-distance relationship, it can be the culmination of all the previous red flags.

There are many reasons why someone may cheat. They may start spending more time with a friend or coworker and catch feelings, especially if they are feeling lonely or disconnected from their partner. It could be a physical desire instead of an emotional one, leading them to seek out a fling or one-night-stand.

Some common signs of infidelity include making strange purchases, getting moody more often, being overprotective of their phone and telling small lies. Remember that these are just signs. They don’t always mean cheating, so take it with a grain of salt and communicate with your partner.

How Can You Make Your Long-Distance Relationship Work?

Navigating a long-distance relationship is not without its challenges. Here are some tips you and your partner can practice to strengthen your relationship.

Set an End Date

Knowing when you’ll finally be together for good gives you something to hold on to. Setting an end date on the long-distance set-up makes you and your lover equally committed to the relationship.

Stay Committed

Know what you’re getting into. Before going long-distance, have an open coversation and set ground rules that you commit to following. You should be willing to love the person wholeheartedly and invest in the partnership, no matter the distance.

Communicate Well

Technology will be you and your lover’s best friend, helping you to stay connected even if you’re miles apart. Discuss with each other what works for the time and schedule you will spend calling or chatting in a day or week. You should never skip a scheduled call unless absolutely necessary.

Hang Out While Apart

Your relationship setup might have forced you and your lover to do more things independently than you’d like, so exploring new things you can do together while you’re miles apart is essential. Some ideas include reading the same book, playing online games, streaming a movie while on a video call, listening to music or eating the same food together. Planning a surprise package can also make your partner feel extra special.

FAQs to Help You Survive the Distance

Here are a few more questions that might come up as you navigate this stage in your parntership.

What is the 777 Rule for Long-Distance Relationships?

The 777 rule is a schedule for relationships, but adapted for long-distance like this:

• Every 7 days, have a virtual date.
• Every 7 weeks, get together in person.
• Every 7 months, go on a romantic vacation together.

This framework can give you a starting point for planning your time apart. You can make a plan for what you’ll do at each benchmark so you have something to look forward to.

What Does an Unhealthy Long-Distance Relationship Look Like?

An unhealthy long-distance relationship usually has a combination of red flags. While rough patches and disagreements are natural, consistent problems with trust, insecurities and miscommunication may indicate a failing partnership.

If you avoid communicating, feel resentment, argue all the time and don’t trust your partner, it may be time to consider ending the relationship.

How Can You Save a Long-Distance Relationship?

If you are worried about the strength of your relationship, ask yourself if it’s time to let or if it’s worth the fight. Here are some key ways to revive a long-distance relationship:

• Create a 777 or similar schedule and add it to your calendars. Explicit plans and scheduled dates make the commitment feel more real.
• Talk about when the long distance will end. If you and your parnter are serious about each other, you should be able to make a plan for when you will finally be together permanently.
• Write each other love letters. Quick texts and phone calls aren’t always the most romantic form of communication. Take the time to write out how you feel.
• Make plans for the future. Even if you aren’t able to end the long distance yet, have a conversation about what you want the future to look like: where will you live, will you get married, do you want kids and so on.
• Find a shared activity. This could be something you do together, like a virtual book club or multi-player video games, or separate, like learning a sport or training for a 5k. Either way, a common hobby can give you something to talk about and allow you to cheer each other on.

Navigating Long-Distance Relationships

Your relationship setup may be causing problems, but remember there are ways to fix it. Start by identifying the issues first, communicating and being honest with one another.

Originally Published 3/17/2024 – Updated 7/15/2026