Do Couples Still Follow Common Wedding Etiquette? Here’s What the Internet Says

For many years, white gowns, a grand reception filled with guests and many more have been the standard. With the rise of modern wedding etiquette and the importance of personalization, are couples still adhering to these honored traditions? Dive into what people in online forums say about it.

1. Starting Wedding Planning After Getting Engaged

Tradition says that couples should only start wedding planning after the proposal. That means you shouldn’t do any preparations until your partner has popped the question. However, it looks like some people on the Internet disagree with this wedding etiquette. With wedding gowns, venues and catering in high demand, some are fine with booking their suppliers before the engagement. 

Reddit user SweetLeoLady33 on the subreddit r/weddingplanning asked if people had booked vendors and if there were any regrets. Here are some responses:

“We did! We put down a deposit for the venue/caterer, DJ, photographer, and decorator! Glad we did too because we didn’t have anyone’s input and we went with our gut on what we wanted. Plus we knew the date we wanted (which was ~20 months out) so we got our first pick on everything!” – User dangerrz0ne

“We did, and I am so happy about that choice. We had our venue and date booked before being officially engaged.” – User stellssss

2. Bride’s Parents Paying for the Celebration

Custom dictates that the bride’s family pays for the wedding. It happened back when families would transfer a dowry to the groom-to-be. As you might already know, the dowry concept is outdated. Today, many couples split costs evenly — either dividing it evenly with their families or funding the entire wedding themselves. Ultimately, it depends on your and your future spouse’s financial situation. 

A question from user GrammerSnob on the subreddit r/Parenting opened the discussion about this wedding tradition.

“I would suppose it depends on your family’s culture and heritage. Most people I know plan to pay for most or all of their wedding themselves. I think it is nice if parents of both/either side (s) can help out, but I don’t think it is necessarily a requirement anymore.” – User Diffledee13

“It is entirely voluntary. It’s traditional but not universal. With marriage ages increasing, I think most couples pay for their wedding now.” – User GordonTheGopher

3. Inviting Friends Who Invited You to Their Wedding

It’s valid to think about whether it’s mandatory to invite someone who invited you to their wedding. However, many people don’t believe you should automatically invite those who invited you back in the day. User Delectable Darla on Wedding Wire Forum opened the discussion on this topic. She mentioned that she has a friend who asked her to their wedding, and she feels compelled to do the same, despite wanting to host an intimate celebration.

Online users came forward and responded:

“Nope. Weddings are not tit for tat. Every wedding size, budget and scope is different. It has nothing to do with etiquette.” – User krisalicious

“I wouldn’t be insulted if someone didn’t invite me to theirs. If they had a big family, tight budget, etc., then there’s nothing to get upset about. Tell your friend it’s a family wedding.” – User Jennie

If you’re still unsure whether to invite, try evaluating the friendship. If your friend was married and your friendship remained close, add them to the guest list. However, you’re not obligated to send an invitation if you’ve fallen out of touch.

4. “Cover Your Plate” Wedding Gift

In many countries, guests are encouraged to give a wedding present equal to or greater than the costs the couple spent on each attendee’s meal. However, many couples find it distasteful to assume they’ll “break even” by enforcing this gifting rule. A question surrounding the same topic was raised on Quora. Here are some responses:

“Gifts are gifts, not a payment for attending your wedding. More and more, it seems people have forgotten how to receive gifts graciously.” – Annie Denver

“Guests do not “owe” hosts for the cost of their provisions. And gift-giving, even for weddings, is always optional for the guests.” – Jennifer Finger

5. Wearing a Gown

Many brides look forward to the day they wear their dream gowns. For some women, it’s their dream not to wear a dress, but something that best suits their personality, such as a jumpsuit or pantsuit. Despite past weddings expecting brides to wear white, extravagant gowns, modern brides embrace new customs. 

User kungfooweetie, via the subreddit r/weddingplanning, asked what women who didn’t wear an actual wedding gown what they wore. 

“A bridesmaid dress! There are gorgeous bridesmaid dresses for under $300, which can be as traditional or unique as you want.” – littleelectron

“I wore a traditional white dress, but I saw this green wedding dress a while back on Offbeat Bride and it’s one of my favorite gowns ever seen!” – bananasmcgee

6. Walking Down the Aisle With Parents

Traditionally, the bride walks down the aisle with her parents. However, there may be instances where you might want to walk alone or go with another person, such as your stepfather, mother or pets. Many people online now think it’s more normal for brides to walk down the aisle alone or with other people aside from their parents. User larouxx44, via the subreddit r/wedding, wondered what made brides decide to walk alone.

“I walked alone and no one said a word. However, I do have some advice. The moment it was my turn, I had a mild freak out, which was the worst I felt all that wedding day. I regretted not having someone to squeeze my hand or something at the last minute.” – User LifeOnAGanttChart

“My partner and I are walking down together. She also hates the idea of anyone “giving her away” like she’s some kind of property being exchanged. I also hate the idea of just standing alone like I’m waiting for something to be delivered.” – User lochstab

7. Not Seeing Each Other Before the Ceremony

Tradition states it’s bad luck to see each other before the ceremony. However, many consider this outdated, which is why many couples opt for a first-look session — one of the newest modern wedding traditions. Aside from having a private moment, it’s a perfect opportunity for your wedding shot list — feel free to get all the photos you want.

Here are why couples opted for a first-look session, as seen on the subreddit r/wedding:

“So we can spend the cocktail time with our guests instead of doing the photos.” – User geekette1

“My fiance is very private, so we want to have a private moment together before we go out in front of everyone else. We will also do our private vows together during our first look. Just me, him, and our photographer.” – User MyLittlePegasus87

A New Era of Wedding Etiquette

It’s okay to follow traditions and break free from them. Remember — the perfect wedding is all about creating a celebration that reflects the unique story of you and your partner.