Revivalist is a reader-supported endeavor and our posts may contain affiliate links. When you buy through links on our site, we may earn an affiliate commission.

Getting married to the love of your life can feel exciting, especially since you’re about to enter the next chapter of your lives together. That said, the process of getting to the ceremonies and reception can be rather tedious and gendered due to many old wedding traditions in the U.S.

Thankfully, couples in this modern time are breaking away from the norm and getting married on their own terms. Let’s discuss common traditions that you can bend or break. 

1. Asking the Father for a Woman’s Hand in Marriage

Before the actual marriage, men are typically tasked with asking the woman’s father for her hand in marriage and permission to enter the family. Some couples may find this objectionable, as it tends to position the woman as property owned by the father. 

However, most people actually like the idea of this tradition when it comes out of respect for their parents. In fact, 62% of Americans actually love or like the idea of asking for their fiancée’s hand in marriage in 2023.

There are ways to make this wedding tradition more inclusive, like asking both parents for a woman’s hand in marriage. You could also break the news of the upcoming wedding to the parents together with your partner. 

Verdict: To Bend

2. Having Your Father Walk You Down the Aisle

Another wedding tradition in the U.S. that many tend to do is having the father walk down the aisle to ‘give away’ their daughter to a man. The concept of giving away can also feel a little patriarchal, similar to asking for a woman’s hand in marriage. 

However, it can also be sentimental for a parent to let their kid enter a new phase of life. As a result, most brides try to bend this tradition by including both parents instead of just one when walking down the aisle. 

Verdict: To Bend

3. Getting a White Wedding Dress

When people think of a wedding dress, a white one is definitely a staple. And while it can certainly look regal, being chained to that one color can really limit creative expression. Some may also find that it doesn’t suit their complexion.

Thus, people are going out of the box by wearing something other than classic white, such as black or red. Pink and other pastels are a nice option if you want to lean into that ethereal spring look, but the sky’s the limit. Just make sure you have no regrets.

Verdict: To Break

4. Wearing a Veil

Wearing veils is another common wedding tradition that often symbolizes a woman’s purity before marriage. In older traditions, there’s also the connotation that it can fully conceal the bride before being presented to the groom.

The concept can feel a little outdated, and there are awkward moments when the groom tries to remove the veil when it’s time to kiss the bride. However, most people aren’t fully opposed to it since the anticipation between the couple before the big kiss can feel exciting. You can explore a compromise, like choosing a shorter and more transparent veil style.

Verdict: To Bend

5. Not Seeing Each Other Pre-Ceremony

Traditionally, wedding couples can only see each other during the ceremony when the bride finally walks down the aisle. Some may even go the extra mile of not spending the night before together to really hide the look, the dress and more to avoid bad luck.

However, couples have been deviating from this practice. Instead, they have been having a first look two hours before the ceremony to have a more intimate moment to just savor seeing one another before going to the altar. It’s also a great opportunity to take some photos. 

Verdict: To Break

6. Performing the Garter and Bouquet Toss

The garter toss is a tradition where the man is meant to remove their woman’s thigh garter around her leg, typically with their teeth, to throw it to a group of bachelors. Meanwhile, the bouquet toss features the bride turning around and throwing her bouquet backward to a group of bachelorettes. Whoever catches the garter or bouquet is next in line for marriage.

The garter toss gets much more flak since getting under your wife’s dress in front of other people can come off a little obscene. That said, most modern couples tend to reject both practices on the premise that it frames marriage as the end-all, be-all of everything. In reality, singlehood is not a bad thing.

Couples can explore other alternatives, like tossing out mini bowties or bouquets instead for each groomsmen and bridesmaid. Or, rather than tossing out a garter or the bouquet, you can play a couple of wedding games like ring toss or limbo with the guests. That way, everyone’s a winner.  

Verdict: To Bend

7. Having the Bride’s Family Fund the Wedding

Traditionally, the bride’s family is responsible for covering all wedding expenses. While there’s nothing wrong with having them foot the bill, it can reinforce the assumption that the bride is viewed as ‘property’ and that getting married is almost like the celebration of that.

Nowadays, couples are exploring all kinds of funding options for their weddings. Some newlyweds covered 48% of their wedding expenses, while parents on both sides paid for the remainder. Others may cover a higher or lower percentage. Just remember to communicate with your partner and to understand where your family stands in terms of financial support.

Verdict: To Bend

8. Vowing to Obey the Husband

During the wedding ceremony, there are vows that each partner traditionally adheres to. Women are often expected to vow to love, honor, respect and obey their would-be husband. However, men typically only have to vow to love and honor their future wife.

The idea of absolute submission to the man of the relationship can create an unsettling power imbalance between both partners. Most couples request that officiants or pastors not include this part of the vows when at the altar.  

Verdict: To Break

Reevaluate Your Wedding Traditions

If you’re doubtful of adhering to certain wedding traditions in the U.S., have the conversation with your partner and start talking about what you’re doing and ditching ahead of the wedding festivities. It’s important to prioritize both your comfort and principles when making these decisions together.