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You’ve moved to a new town, and everything feels exciting, but it is also normal to feel a little lonely, especially if you don’t know anyone. It can be a big city or a small rural community on the urban outskirts. No matter where you are, you probably have many priorities, including feeling like this new place is somewhere you can call home. The best way to do that is to learn how to make friends in a new city. Here is advice for every type of person and personality, because developing connections can take many different forms.
The Extrovert and the Social Butterfly
If you’re a natural extrovert, you may not have any issues making new friends. You naturally recharge from the presence of others, allowing you to bring your all to every social interaction. You may find it easy to start conversations, but you could struggle to find places to have those chit-chats. But if you’re experiencing some resistance for some reason, here are a few ideas.
Make an excuse to invite neighbors and locals to your place. Host a party to celebrate being new to town. You can talk to people at your job or those in your building. Be open-minded and excited, because everyone will appreciate a reason to celebrate something. People will immediately respect your confidence and feel more comfortable around you, making it easy to get started with icebreakers. Feel inspired and pick a date right now.
The Introvert and Quiet Observer
What if you’re the exact opposite? Trying to develop connections is exhausting, large group gatherings intimidate you, and planning an event makes you want to isolate. Fortunately, there is hope for introverts, too, especially because you likely shine in one-on-one situations, anyway. You want to focus on someone rather than diversify and mingle in a crowd.
This is the time to start some research. Your local library or community organization likely has tons of small classes you can join. This gives you a low-stakes environment to find like-minded people who share your hobbies. You immediately have a conversation starter. You could find a knitting group, book club or pottery class. Maybe you’re learning a language — you could find a conversation partner. The options are only limited by what is available near you. Just feel excited about putting yourself out there, and it’ll help you get out of your comfort zone.
The Hobbyist and Discoverer of Specialties
What if you’re an ambivert with an experimental mind? You want an artistically inspiring space to catalyze conversation. You’re into niche hobbies, like vintage film photography or bad sci-fi movies. This is the perfect time to find your second home in a third space. It could be a board game cafe or a park that has monthly meetups for local groups. No matter what it is, there is likely something for you nearby.
Most people find these little hubs through social media. Facebook groups are a great place to start, because they have pages for people who are as dedicated as you are to your specific interest. This saves you time from wading through a bunch of people who may not be as inspired by lesser-known microcommunities as you are.
The Altruist and the Community Builder
Maybe going to a bar or party isn’t your style, because that isn’t how you spend your time anyway. If you’re the type to attend local events, regularly pick up trash in your park, or anything like that, you may need a space to build friendships focused on fulfillment and purpose. It’s time to volunteer.
Community builders are about meeting people from all walks of life, with diverse experiences and ages. The connecting thread is the drive toward a common goal or mission, which is a wonderful way to start authentic friendships. Hanging out with people feels easy because you often have an activity to guide your efforts, such as tree planting or protesting. You immediately find people who share your core values, which can be hard to find elsewhere. Find a local nonprofit that works in a field you care about, and go from there.
The Career Mind and Networker
Maybe the way you make friends best is through forced proximity — it works for so many people, which is why most of your friends likely came from your days in school. But now you’re an adult. Work is a wonderful option for people, especially if their schedules limit their ability to pursue extracurriculars. Additionally, you might be a person who is really focused on career development.
This is the time to impress everyone while pushing yourself forward. Join career development seminars, engage in ongoing learning or continuing education, and attend panels and workshops. There, you will begin to familiarize yourself with people who also care about making the most out of their careers. LinkedIn and Eventbrite are great platforms for finding these events, but asking your managers is another awesome place to start.
The Team Player and Competitor
What if the reason your new home feels so unfamiliar is that you grew up in a team environment your whole life? Maybe you were in something like Girl Scouts, or you were a frequent participant in school team sports. Whether it’s selling the most cookies or scoring the most goals, you are clearly a competitive thinker and need to meet people in a space that stimulates that part of you. You may more easily develop camaraderie with people when physical activity and competition are involved.
Find a sports league to try. Many of them include players of all skill levels, so you can even try something new. You should never be afraid to experiment, as these rarely ask anyone to be at an Olympic level. They just care about people being passionate and present, which fosters a lovely space to make friends. Think of the sport you love, and see what’s happening at your local community centers or gyms.
The Food and Culinary Expert
Nothing joins people together quite like food and drink. Coffee drinkers, craft beer enthusiasts and local food aficionados love sharing their joys over the little things in life. Fortunately, all you have to do is explore what’s good in your area and become a regular. While this takes time and effort, it is really gratifying to learn the names of the baristas and servers. Eventually, you could see the same people and know they love the joint as much as you. Then, you make a conversation happen.
How to Make Friends in a New City
What kind of person are you? This will help you find out how to make friends in a new city in a way that appeals to mind, body and soul. Discovering connections any other way can feel exhausting, which you definitely don’t need when you’re trying to unpack and get used to your day job. With time and effort, everything will start to feel like home, thanks to the connections you helped build.
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