• 01/23/2025

Best Ways to Mediate Siblings Fighting With One Another

family talking together

Revivalist is a reader-supported endeavor and our posts may contain affiliate links. When you buy through links on our site, we may earn an affiliate commission.

Sibling fighting is normal, and you may have experienced it if you have brothers or sisters. However, it’s concerning once it happens more frequently or the arguments last longer. Parents should step in as mediators to keep the peace within the family, but they should do so with love and respect for their loved ones.

Why Do Siblings Argue?

Step zero to get siblings to stop fighting is to find the root cause of the argument. They could be fighting over toys or snacks when, in reality, it all runs a little deeper. Here are some of the reasons why they are arguing. 

Parental Favoritism

All parents feel as if they love their children equally. However, this may not always be the case. Some kids may think that one or both guardians display more affection toward one sibling. It can happen intentionally or not.

Parental favoritism causes friction between siblings, as it becomes a challenge to see who can get more time or attention. It’s also bad for each person’s mental health— about 40% of Americans who grew up in a family with favorites say they feel lonely at least once a week. 

Competition 

Kids can also feel competitive with their siblings, comparing themselves with their brothers and sisters. If the eldest siblings got good grades, they might start thinking about getting the same marks to receive praise from their circle of friends and people around them. It can be healthy at one point, but turning them from a role model into an enemy is heartwrenching. 

Personality Differences

People can grow up in the same environment with similar upbringings but foster different attitudes. Principles and priorities tend to clash, especially under one roof. Even if one person may put up boundaries, the other party may refuse to honor or respect them, which leads to even more fighting. 

Miscommunication

Sibling fighting could stem from different communication styles. For instance, one may feel more attuned to expressing thoughts and feelings through words, while others prefer actions to convey such messages. As a result, the two may create misinterpretations and even negatively trigger one another’s emotions. 

Growing Apart 

Siblings may also argue because they are growing apart from one another. While they may have even gotten matching sibling tattoos at one point, it changes once people start growing up and building their own lives. Being apart for so long can cause tension that manifests into those fights. 

siblings facing one another

Sibling Rivalry Solutions

Solving the rivalry can take time and effort, but it’s certainly worth it to keep ties. Here’s how you can mediate siblings fighting with one another. 

1. Talk to Each Sibling Privately

One sibling may have an unknown reason for getting mad at another, or it could be different. Try to talk to each one in private to get their side of the story if they’re ready. Parental favoritism may have less to do with their sibling and more with their own feelings. You need to give them love and reassurance both in words and action. 

2. Avoid Rushing

Parents want to stop siblings from fighting almost immediately. However, the reality is that it takes time to heal, especially when emotions are running high. There are times when the best thing you can do for their relationship is to give them space. Let the emotions sit for a little bit to let things quiet down. 

3. Prioritize Physical Safety

Some sibling fights can get physical, especially with younger kids who may be unaware that hitting or biting is wrong. The best course of action is to separate and calm them down from one another. Once physical aggression is out of the way and safety is guaranteed, you can continue talking to them. 

4. Encourage Communication

Promote communication once everyone has calmed down. Conversation is one of the most essential ways for siblings to get along again, regardless of their age.

Many siblings may feel ready to communicate. In 2024, about 52% of Americans are extremely or very comfortable talking about their emotional well-being with immediate family members. However, if one says they may need more time before the confrontation, respect them.

If both parties agree to a discussion, here’s how you can approach the conversation:

  • Ask each person to share their sides: People often talk over one another when things get heated. Before it even gets to this point, set ground rules to let one person speak their peace first. Make sure that everyone involved is listening intently. Once over, you can swap to the other person’s side. 
  • Repeat and empathize with the points: With both parts of the story out in the air, you can repeat the main points of each person. Remember to check in with one sibling to get all the facts straight and avoid putting words into their mouth. Once they give you the green light, empathize with the other person. 
  • Suggest compromise: Younger sets of siblings may seek guidance about what they should do, so offer some solutions. For example, maybe they’re fighting over sharing a computer together. Try to set up a schedule where they can take equal turns.
  • Let the two of them talk: Mediating often means being present as the conversation ensues. Remember to maintain your space and allow the siblings to talk to one another, repairing their relationship together. 

5. Send Them on a Shared Experience

One of the best ways to get siblings to get along again is to give them a shared experience. Give them an allowance to have dinner together or drop them off at a dessert shop. You could also encourage them to go to the movies or festivals together. An enjoyable experience can help them overcome their fight and grow closer together.

Bonus: Be a Good Role Model

Siblings, especially when younger, need a good role model to look up to. Showcase the importance of regulating your emotions. If there’s something in the family you feel upset about, learn to communicate those feelings and solve the problems together. 

Stop Siblings Fighting

Watching siblings fighting with each other can cause ripples within the family. It’s important to sort out these differences and strengthen their bonds. Mediate with love and care toward each of them. 

Subscribe to Our Weekly Newsletter

We would love to connect deeper with you!

Something went wrong. Please check your entries and try again.